How to Sabotage Your Recovery This Holiday Season
The holidays can be a tough time for those in recovery. With emotions running high, triggers everywhere, and old habits creeping back in, it’s easy to fall into self-sabotage.
You might find yourself thinking things like:
- “My mom died. I need a sedative.”
- “I’m so stressed. I deserve a drink.”
- “I just graduated. I’ve worked hard, I deserve to get high.”
These kinds of thoughts can stem from deeper emotional issues, including feelings of entitlement, fear of success, or a failure to truly internalize new, healthy coping mechanisms. Let’s take a closer look at what might be driving these behaviors and how to break the cycle.
Why Do We Self-Sabotage in Recovery?
Some experts suggest that behind self-sabotaging actions lies a sense of entitlement. This “I deserve this” mindset may stem from the idea that recovery is hard work and, without a tangible reward, it can feel like there’s no point in pushing forward. The temptation to indulge can seem like a way to balance out the emotional toll of staying sober.
Others argue that self-sabotage comes from a fear of success. In theory, you may want to stay sober, but the reality of what life would look like without drugs or alcohol feels daunting. It’s easier to relapse than to face the unfamiliarity of a clean, sober life.
Another possibility is that recovery tools and coping mechanisms haven’t truly been internalized. You may have learned what it takes to stay sober in rehab or therapy, but you haven’t fully embraced those tools as effective solutions for your life. As a result, old patterns of substance use still feel like a reward or relief, even though they are ultimately destructive.
Are You Sabotaging Your Own Recovery?
If any of the following resonate with you, you may be unknowingly sabotaging your progress:
- Cutting Out Recovery Activities: You work hard to stay on track by filling your schedule with recovery-related activities, but over time, you find yourself dropping them one by one. Eventually, your routine is back to where it started, with little or no recovery work.
- Knowing What to Do, But Struggling to Do It: You understand recovery principles and have the knowledge, but you find it difficult to apply them consistently in your life.
- Choosing Unhelpful Relationships: You might find yourself surrounding yourself with people who are struggling more than you, particularly those who are new to recovery or have a pattern of relapsing.
- Fear of Sobriety’s Long-Term Impact: When you imagine your life solid in recovery, you worry about losing the support systems you rely on—like daily 12-step meetings—and wonder what life will look like without them.
Sobriety Is Achievable
The good news is, no matter what’s behind your self-sabotage, sobriety is an achievable goal. You can take steps to get back on track and move forward in your recovery. Here are a few strategies to help you get started.
Steps to Overcome Self-Sabotage
- Track Your Emotional Shifts
Start keeping a journal to track your emotions and mindset. Pay attention to the moments when your perspective shifts—what external factors trigger these changes? Is it stress, relationship issues, or difficult memories? Recognizing patterns can help you anticipate and manage these triggers in the future.
- Address Your Fears
Write down all the reasons you might fear living a sober life. Are you afraid of the responsibilities that come with it? Do you feel you won’t be able to handle healthy relationships or that sobriety will be too boring? By identifying your specific fears, you can begin to challenge and work through them.
- Focus on What You Have to Gain
Make a list of all the positive things you stand to gain by staying sober. These might include better health, avoiding legal problems, strengthening relationships, reducing stress, and improving your finances. Write out how each area of your life would improve by sticking with your recovery. - Set Clear, Behavior-Specific Goals
Define what a fulfilling life in recovery looks like for you. Do you want a successful career, a healthy relationship, or the freedom to travel? What goals will help you get closer to that ideal life? Work with your therapist to set specific, actionable goals that move you toward the future you envision.
The Path Forward
Self-sabotage in recovery doesn’t have to be a permanent roadblock. By reflecting on the underlying issues; addressing your fears; and setting clear, meaningful goals, you can transform your mindset and behavior. Over time, as you forgive yourself for past mistakes and focus on building a better present, you’ll find it easier to resist the pull of old habits.
When you feel solid in your recovery and start envisioning a life beyond substance abuse—one that’s more rewarding, fulfilling, and peaceful—you’ll see that the urge to self-sabotage becomes less frequent.
Remember, the path to long-term sobriety is filled with challenges, but it’s also filled with the possibility of a better, more meaningful life. Stay committed to your recovery, and you’ll grow stronger every day.
How will you help yourself stop self-sabotaging behaviors in recovery?
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